Getting Carried Away is a Good Thing

What on earth am I talking about?

Well, lately I have been on a bit of a mad rush of making new stories and characters. I still have a lot to finish, and now I have a lot to start as well. But I really don’t think it’s a bad thing at all!

Getting the creative juices flowing like they are can be pretty motivating. It’s honestly been a few years or something since I had so many new ideas, and I still feel that same wonder I would have all that time ago.

It’s a lot to keep up with, I doubt I’ll ever really keep up with all the ideas I have, but I don’t mind that. It just proves to me that I have a pretty active imagination, and that I’ll always have ideas! I want to write, so I could never really say it’s a bad thing.

I’ve just been able to get inspired by big or small things, just like I used to. I can’t describe it properly but it’s absolutely amazing to feel so inspired again!

Not that I’ve lost inspiration for my other work, but thinking of the new ones really does put a kick in my step.

It’s just a matter of writing them all, which might just take forever, but that’s fine! Maybe I should get my butt in gear and try keeping up with some writing prompts here again, too.

Either way, I’m pretty happy with where I am with all that.

Other than that, I guess it’s fun to mention that in just two days I’m going to Disneyland! It’s a 21st birthday present from my mum, so I’m really looking forward to that. I love Disney, Disney owns Star Wars and Marvel now which I also love, so I’ll basically be in paradise for a few days! Maybe coming home with a bit more than I can really carry.

Eh. Worth it.

Short update, but I really wanted to share how excited I am about so many new stories! I’ve been able to recycle old characters rather than get rid of them, so that’s always good.

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Thinking: Motivation

Motivation is interesting… Because it can be hard to really point out what it is and where it came from. For example, what’s your motivation to get out of bed? Are you going somewhere, have something to do?

What motivates you to finish that project? Is it a passion project that you care about, or is it something you signed yourself up for?

Motivation is kind of a drive, a reason to do something. I find myself losing it a lot of the time, it’s very easy to lose sight of what you were originally looking at to push yourself forwards.

I feel unsure that I can ever really get a job, it’s just not happening. Any help I get is extremely temporary right now.

But I guess I also find myself thinking, at times like these, where I find myself remembering the drive in the first place. I can’t just give up, that’s really not an option. And maybe if I keep at it, I can make it somewhere with my art and my writing. They’re the most important things to me, so they’re what I’d want to progress with.

But sometimes you need to start from somewhere lower. Somewhere you might not really want to, but everyone starts somewhere, I suppose. I’m going to have to go to the job centre when I come back from a holiday and I’m pretty frightened. They’re very cruel when it comes to cutting off money, they did it a lot to my brother, I’m sure they’ll do it to me.

My motivation, however, is what I figured out yesterday. When really being asked, “What really pushes you to want a job?”

Of course, the very obvious answer is money.

But there’s more personal layers to it then I ever really realised before.

I lost my sense of self worth two years ago. Two years ago I had a fight with a friend that I thought meant a lot to me, and then not long after on the morning of my birthday, my grandmother died.

At the time, it was devastating. I felt like I’d lost everything, and it made getting through university so much harder. That was one of the reasons that particular university seemed so good.

Then I’d have to catch glimpses of this person I grew to loathe after having cared for them so much for a few years. I would feel alone, even after trying to get help. Nothing got better.

I feel more sure of my real circle of friends now. But the damage still remains. I have terrible anxiety and it hurts to be alone so much, and really, that’s one of my drives to get this damn job.

To be able to feel like I matter again.

To be able to love myself again.

I had only just built myself up when I left college, I was so happy with myself. After a whole life of hating myself, I finally felt good. But then it all got torn down over one summer of my first university year.

My motivation stems from being pushed on by my friends…

And by wanting to feel worth anything again.

Thinking: Inspiration

You can get inspiration for creative endeavours from just about anywhere. Maybe you play a video game and think of an idea for a protagonist in a story that shares some of their traits.

Maybe you watch a movie and adore the setting, and would love to take a spin at it yourself.

The simplest thing can inspire you…

We all say that nothing is truly original. And it’s true, because sometimes you can end up using inspiration without even noticing. You’ll think of something that works, while forgetting it’s from something you’d seen before.

But it’s not a bad thing at all.

There really is no completely original ideas to have now, but there are still different ways to approach the same idea. There can still be so much heart and passion put into something that was driven by something else.

We can all even find that our roots of being heavily influenced by certain things can eventually push us to try and be more unique, to put real heart into our ideas instead of relying on what we already know.

I used to be so big on the Sonic franchise. When I was younger it was what got me into art, it was one of the games that got me into storytelling. Particularly Sonic Adventure 2. I was too young to really consider any of its problems, I suppose.

But that aside, I used to just draw them. Just write about these characters that weren’t mine, making my own universes and interpretations of them.

Then I moved onto fan characters.

And then eventually…

I started making my own characters. My own stories and universes.

It has been a long road, over ten years at this point, but I think it’s important to remember what shaped me into who I am today. My tastes back then still kind of stay with me, and I feel confident in my ability to interpret ideas into my own because of where I started.

I get a little embarrassed about it sometimes, but I still have those fond memories. And most importantly, I still have that same inspiration I had back then.

I can observe an idea, and if I really like it, I can interpret it in a way that’s unique to me. Of course there will be other people that might do things similarly, but in the end, I know that I can really put my heart into my own creative projects.

I can chase a dream I never realised I had for years, to become a writer.

I just enjoy the humble beginnings I had, I suppose. No one really bothered to be harsh on my older art, and I never shared my older stories anywhere. I never had a knock in my confidence so I was always able to push on.

That being said, if anyone has, I really hope they don’t give up! If you’ve been told something kinda mean, you should either try ignore it and keep trying, or (oddly enough) use it as fuel to keep going. Some people get pretty far using spite like that, oddly enough.

Yeah. Random thoughts as usual.

Short Story: The Heir

My father wants me to take his place.

I say that because he lost his life earlier today…

In fact, we lost our entire village. I’ve been out searching for somewhere that me and the others could stay all day. It’s my job to do such a thing, as the new leader. It just feels so off…

I’m one of the youngest. Yet they’re all so keen to follow me.

All but my brother.

He seems very jealous that I took father’s place, when he’s the eldest. I don’t much understand his anger, we are twins, after all. Is it really that different? If he had taken father’s place, I would have accepted it peacefully.

That doesn’t matter so much now, though.

My name is Atichi, I am the Sunset Clan’s new Grand Master. I live in such a small group of the clan because they are my elites, they are bred and trained to be as skilled as I am, and we are to seclude ourselves in a small group.

That’s just how it works.

I’ve found myself in a town out of the woods, perhaps there is some sort of an inn we can use here. Or at least food to purchase, our survival matters even more than relocating, of course.

This town isn’t so big. Just a few streets of big houses, all very neatly boarded with wooden boards to create some neat patterns on them. The concrete that builds them up seems to be rather clean and solid.

I finally see someone that might be able to help me! I dash closer quickly, hoping that my attire won’t frighten her too much. Just a black suit covering my body, exposing my arms with three lines of paint on them.

The iconic orange scarf and mask on my face. But at least my red hair is exposed, as well as the orange feather stuck in it at the top.

“Excuse me!” I call out, raising a hand in a friendly gesture to try and get her attention. She was a young lady with a pair of buckets set on her shoulders, carried by a long stick.

While she at first looks a bit alarmed, her eyes shift to look kinder. She’s quite pretty, honestly. Lovely dark hair and despite the dress not showing her figure well, it has a certain innocence to it.

“Do you know where I would be able to purchase goods in this town?” I ask her carefully. “Food, more than anything.” I add carefully.

“Oh, yes.” she nods. “There’s a farm house just along this road,” she points out to the direction she’s talking about. Further down a street of houses I can start seeing a huge red structure, no doubt a barn house. “The farmers are always selling food.”

“I see. Thank you for your help.” I bow to the young woman respectfully as I wander off in that direction. The streets in this town are very bustling and busy, perhaps under the lovely blue skies of such a nice day?

It’s nice to encounter such a happy place, after having fled from my own home being destroyed.

I reach what is no doubt the grounds of the farm… The ground at my feet feels different. Less structured, more natural. I walk on real soil and grass here. It’s almost refreshing, in a strange way.

There’s no doubt that the house over there near the barn must be where I can find the farmers. It’s not very big, but it looks comfortable enough. There’s a big window at the side I can see, it’s open to take in all the fresh air of this fine day.

Just before I head that way, I notice some rustling in the bushes around me…

I sigh to myself. “Come on,” I instruct. “I know you’re all there.”

As I had expected, it was those of my clan. They all wore the same black suits and orange accessories as I did, some wearing masks, some not. It was all down to choice really, and I happen to prefer my mask being on.

“Sorry, Master.” the eldest ninja of the group, Renzar, says playfully. “I couldn’t help but follow, and so, the others did too.”

“No matter.” I shake my head. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing they followed me. What if something happened? They only had my safety in mind when doing such a thing. “This place, I should be able to purchase food for us.” I tell them calmly. “So wait here.”

As I had intended to, I make my way to that cosy little house just by the barn. It’s a bit unsure if anyone is really in there, so I knock my hand on the door gently.

In no time at all, the wooden door opens up before me. Not quite what I expected, a young woman wearing overalls is at the other side of the door. She has very lovely brown hair, very long. And under her overalls on her torso is a bit of a messy white shirt.

“Oh, hi!” she greets unsurely. “What can I do for you?”

“I have come seeking food for my people.” I explain to her briefly. “I have a good amount of gold to offer you for all the mouths I wish to feed.”

She nods her head, a little more confident than she was when she first opened up the door. “Do you just want… General food supplies, then?” she asks.

I nod right back. “That would do great, yes.”

“Then, wait right here.”

I wait patiently as instructed… This place is very nice, I catch myself thinking. There’s the forest over there, the lively town just over there… And on the other side, a huge plain of grass. There’s a hill with a tree growing on the top, so it seems. It looks pretty nice, too.

I find myself turning back as she returns, pushing in a wooden trolley with shelves of food stacked onto it. Raw meat that we can cook of a few varieties, some vegetables and fruits…

It was perfect.

“This is wonderful!” I can’t help but exclaim, even clapping my hands together eagerly. “This is exactly what I had been hoping for.”

“Oh, that’s great!” she chimes eagerly. “So this should come to about fifty gold…” she tells me as she points loosely to the supplies set ahead of me. “And well, if you need any help getting it around, let me know.”

“Perhaps I require some storage… Some bags?” I ask with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Yeah, sure. We can do that.” she nods.

It all seems agreed on, I reach into the sack attached to my belt and pass her the gold that she had requested. She counts it up ahead of me to be sure, and is thrilled to reveal that she counts the right amount.

It seemed right as she’d started packing it up into some sacks…

We both heard a loud noise. It could have been a clumsy thud, but no, I’m accustomed to sounds. That was an intentional noise. The noise of a sword slamming through wood!

“Oh, no…” she grumbles to herself.

I stop trying to figure out just where that noise came from, and look at the woman unsurely. “What was that?” I ask her.

“We’ve been dealing with these thugs. I think they’re back.” she tells me quickly. “They keep coming here, taking our money, taking our food… It’s terrible.”

I can’t just stand here while I know this! Me and my whole elite squadron are right here. It’s about time someone stood up for this farm, I tell myself firmly. My fist clenches tightly. “Wait here.” I instruct the young woman.

I dash out to reach the others, to instruct them of the plan quickly. “This farm sees an attack!” I tell them quickly. “Form up and surround the scoundrels. We shall scare them off together.”

“No killing them?” My brother Ardini asks impatiently.

“Not unless you have to.” I tell him sternly.

We rush in together, but in the blink of an eye we disband into different directions to surround the area as a unit. Renzar and I approach them by ourselves, a pair of men with simple swords currently vandalising, and stealing the crops.

“Excuse me, gentlemen!” Renzar calls out first. He’s a bit easier to hear, since he’s of the ninjas that doesn’t wear his mask so much. He has white hair, but tips of orange at the bottom of it. It’s a little long and tied on his head as mine is. “Those don’t belong to you. You’d best stop now.”

“Who are these jokers?!” one of the raiders barks irritably. “Nice outfits, you wannabes.” he brushes us off with a lazy gesture of his hand. “But unless you want to get yourselves killed, you’d better scram!”

They were those kinds of thugs. Thought they were stronger than anyone, apparently. We didn’t allow them more time to damage the farm.

I toss down a smoke bomb onto the ground at our feet, and in a single movement not only Renzar and I, but the whole group surround the thugs and have a bit of fun smacking them around.

Shoving them from one to the other, giving them a good punch, anything to show them how outmatched they truly were.

It never went on for too long, we stopped.

As soon as we did, they scurried off as we’d thought they would.

Moments later, that young woman in overalls crept closer to see those foul men rushing away and an entire group of ninjas standing where they were previously damaging her farm.

It’s easy to see in her face that she doesn’t really know what to make of this situation. She’s trying to speak, but the words aren’t coming out. What is she to say?

Eventually, she lightly hits her head to kick herself into gear. “You really chased them off!” she grins eagerly. “O-oh goodness…” she wanders closer, admiring all of us before locking her eyes back on me. “Hey, what’s a group like this doing out here? You seem a bit of a big group to be travelling…”

“We lost our home, just last night.” I tell her briefly. “We are searching for a new home… But I came to you to feed my people first. We can’t hope to find a home if we aren’t even alive.”

She takes in my words thoughtfully…

“I want you all to wait here until my father gets home.” she tells us, she seems rather excited now. Her hands don’t really know what to do with themselves, her fingers wriggling around so happily. “I’ll tell him what you did for us… Maybe we can at least give you somewhere to stay for a little bit!”

I never expected anything of the sort… My eyes have grown wide with surprise. But such surprise soon suppresses into a calm, thankful joy.

This was possibly the most fortunate time to have helped this young woman.

This is sort of a warm up for me, for a new story I’ve got in the works. I’m excited about it and just haven’t really started it yet, and this is almost how it will kick off.

Maybe a bit before, but…

This was just to further boost my hype! It worked, heh.

A fun day out

It was nice to finally get out of the house for once.

There is a festival in my hometown every summer, it’s really nice, it invites lots of different cultures to present an act of some sort. Dance, theatre, this year there was even a set up for VR!

It responded to swinging on a swing, it was very cool honestly.

Really though, I usually look forward to it every year, but I wasn’t that excited this year. I always go with my mum, and her work schedule has been kind of crazy and it prevents her from staying out and doing too much, a bit of a shame.

But anyway, I never enjoyed it as much as usual, but it was still a fun day. Always some quirky acts around for it.

My personal favourite because of how… Random and pretty funny it was, was this bin that ‘moved around by itself’ and even squirted water at people in its way. It was remote controlled but it just looked so funny.

Then the other great ones were the VR one I mentioned before, an aero acrobatics duo and the most impressive was certainly a trapeze act. A very thin rope, with some very talented acrobats performing various tricks on them, and narrating a little story to go with it.

I really enjoy this sort of creative theatre, I like the thought that everyone can watch and go away with different interpretations of what story was being told to them.

Well, anyway, that’s been my day. Hoping I can write some more cool stuff soon!

Thinking: Positivity

It can be hard to stay positive these days.

There’s a lot that can weigh someone down. Sometimes it can feel like you’re completely alone even though you know you’re not.

But recently I discovered…

It’s so unhealthy to depend your mood on other people. It’s what I always have done, I’ve always waited for a certain someone of about three people to message me and only then would I be any kind of happy.

Only recently did I realise just how unhealthy it really was to do that. How easy it is to convince myself that someone doesn’t like me just because they don’t have time to talk. Just because they find a special someone, I assume that means I get replaced.

It happened to me before and that’s why it frightens me. The last time someone said “we shouldn’t talk as much”, I was abandoned by one of the only friends I really had. Ever since then I’ve been terribly depressed, and always anxious when I notice someone talking to me less, or differently.

But starting yesterday I realised…

I don’t need this.

I don’t need to make myself so unhappy and unhealthy just because people don’t have time for me, patience for me…

I can be happy on my own. I can block out the world, block out my friends when they’re ignoring me, and just be at peace with myself.

I did that last night and honestly it worked for me. I shouldn’t be checking my phone and wondering if anyone cares about me…

I should be taking care of myself and blocking out such negativity, realising that it’s okay to be alone sometimes.

Love your friends, but love yourself.

Short Story: The Motivator

She was putting herself down.

She kept saying it wasn’t good enough, and that it wouldn’t be finished in time.

But she pushed on anyway.

She soldiered through her tiredness of the project, through these feelings of not being good enough.

She finished it.

She showed it to me.

It was amazing. Unique. So well done.

I told her I loved it. I loved her inking, I loved her idea in general. The execution was very nice. She nailed it.

Her doubts quelled for a moment. She was able to hear a compliment and gain some confidence in herself and her work. Somebody liked it, and somebody had given her an honest compliment.

She could look at this work she’d produced, get rid of the doubts for even just a moment and tell herself that someone liked it.

I was just happy that she grew to like it too, after all those struggles.

 

He always talked down on himself and saw his work as inferior.

He always looked at other people and said that they could do it better. He doubted himself and kicked dirt at his dreams very often.

But I was here.

I saw his talent that he glossed over and always told him that he should never give up.

He is talented and recently, he finally saw himself as such.

He kept producing his comic and his work as he wanted to, even going back to change some of the older pages to improve the quality after his artwork had improved so much over the last few years.

He has grown so much.

And I am so happy that I got to watch the journey.

 

She received negativity towards her work, and she lost her motivation to create for a little while.

What was the point, she would ask herself, if people were just going to give meaningless and mean spirited critiques?

Ignore them, we told her.

Your work is unique and beautiful because you made it. You’ve been on such a long journey, and you’ve learned so much that nobody could ever hope to take away from you.

Keep creating.

She took the words and nodded her head.

She fearlessly dove back into her creative field to start creating amazing work all over again, and we loved each and every piece.

I’ve known her for a long time.

She’s come a long way and I got to watch a bit of skill turn into masterful skills.

 

I am the motivator.

My friends can get down on themselves and their work sometimes, as anyone can.

I accept that.

But I also accept my duty to lift them up and remind them that they’ve travelled a long journey that isn’t worth giving up on. That they have so much more to learn and create, there’s no reason to give up now.

I am their motivation…

And they are mine.

The power of Nostalgia

I’ve been having a very nostalgic day.

A nostalgic day that saw me sitting and watching through all 300 of the tower challenges in Mortal Kombat 9. Yeah…

Pretty lame in some people’s eyes, but it brings me a lot of great memories.

You see, one of my best friends has gotten back into fighting games, particularly Marvel Vs Capcom 3, we played it so much together a few years ago. He’s gotten back into it and brought me a lot of great memories.

But it also got me thinking about the other games we were playing around the same time. One of those was indeed Mortal Kombat 9. We beat the story mode together (much frustration with the final boss. He took about half an hour for us to beat.), we beat a bunch of arcade modes together to see the cheesy endings.

And what most people spend a lot of their time on that game on… We beat the 300 challenge tower together.

The missions all vary on the character and objective. We’d pass the controller to whoever liked the character better, and on the missions where you got to choose, it was just sort of a back and forwards until someone finally did it.

It’s pretty weird to be so nostalgic for a game that isn’t even that old. It isn’t even that old and it barely holds up to the same graphical quality as Mortal Kombat X… But it still holds a special place in my heart.

All those great memories and so many more.

I just got very invested in that nostalgia today and well… That led me to a five hour video (that I’m still watching as I write this) of the challenge tower! I could have forgotten how frustrating the very last challenge was if I didn’t watch it take some pretty skilled players about 8 hours to beat it.

Damn Shao Kahn, man. He’s never easy but he’s a bit ridiculous in that game, haha.

Essentially the point is, nostalgia can make you do some pretty wacky things! It’s great to remember such good times when so many darker ones are going on right now. Remembering jokes, the game itself, just a lot of little things that completed the experience for us both.

I wonder if I’ll get so into this nostalgia that I’ll watch the story mode again, too…

But I digress.

As long as ‘nostalgia glasses’ don’t prevent you seeing any flaws in anything, I honestly feel like having such an old fondness of something can be the best thing to happen to you. So maybe a few years in the future you’ll stop and remember it, and maybe even go on a happy trip down memory lane as I have today.

A bit of a mellow entry today, but I just wanted to talk about how… Peaceful this nice little nostalgia trip has made me.

Are you very nostalgic for something that’s not really so ‘old’?

Short Story: A Second Chance

What a terrible place to be in.

What an awful place this was.

A dark and dirty dungeon, full of prisoners wallowing in their own pities of why they were here in the first place. Some had done worse than others, that was for sure.

But in one cell…

The man shackled to the wall was silent. It was almost pitch black where he was, the torches on the wall avoided his cell as best as they really could.

The dark haired man with a jaw covered in facial hair stared to the dirty stone ground as he had been for the last month, still in shock at what he did to bring him here in the first place. He was no angel to begin with… He stole a lot, because he never had enough money to get by.

But for him to have killed such a young guard in his panic of being caught? To have taken a young man that was had just achieved something so important away from his family?

Unforgivable…

It was just another dull day in the dungeons. Easy to hear the whimpers and the wallowing of the others in the surrounding cells. But as always, this scarred man stayed silent. Telling himself how much he deserved to be rotting away in here.

Well, it just seemed like another day.

Immediate, loud questions were thrown around when one of the cells was loudly opened up, and on top of that, the man being held in there ran off like he’d been given his ticket to freedom.

“I’m undercover,” the man in the armour of the knights revealed as he stepped by each cell, roughly pulling on the lever to open it up. “It took me ages to get all the armour I needed to pass as one of them.”

“It’s not fair that you’re all in here,” he went on. “Rotting away when the most some of you have ever done is steal. I know people way more deserving of sitting in this dirty old place all day!”

He watched pretty proudly as the prisoners all scampered off together, it was a wonder if any of them had really listened to him. He didn’t really mind, though. The next part of his scheme was to draw the kingdom’s attention to those he knew should have been in here.

But walking by one of the cells, even though it was open…

That dark haired man still sat there, arms now free, but miserably placed on his legs as he continued to stare down at the stone ground below him.

“I’m not leaving.” he muttered, knowing that the ‘knight’ ahead of his cell was staring his way unsurely. “No one could deserve to be here more than I do.”

“Wh-what’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped back, though still sounding unsure. “I am going to get murderers and terrible people locked up in this miserable place!”

“I am a murderer.”

The young man’s eyes widened, he never really knew what he could respond to that. If this man was such a terrible murderer, why was he upset about it?

“…If you were, then you wouldn’t regret it. It’s apparent you do.”

“I still killed him.” the dark haired prisoner growled lowly. “A young man in that very same armour. I shot him in the head with a crossbow. I killed a young guard out of my own foolish fears.”

It seemed impossible to get through to this guy. Surely there was another way he could repent for his crime… He wasn’t like the others, he clearly regretted it more than anything.

“…Wouldn’t you feel better getting out of here and letting the real criminals get locked away in here?”

“For the last time… I am one. Leave. Now.”

The young man sighed, seeing that this was getting him nowhere. He was a little sad honestly, all the others dashed off without a question. Perhaps they all deemed themselves undeserving, unlike this guy.

But it was clear any amount of convincing wasn’t going to get him to budge.

The young man dragged his feet off through the dungeon once more. He planned all this out, he knew that if the other guards heard the commotion he’d claim there was a malfunction and the prisoners overpowered him.

He made his way to the light room that had a staircase spiralling up above the dungeons. The next order of business was to expose the criminals he knew so well to his higher ups…

But the moment he stepped into the room, he was roughly dragged around the corner, his arm twisted uncomfortably behind his back.

“I don’t know what kinda joke you’re playin’, guard… But you’ll make great bait so the others don’t kill us just yet!”

“H-hey! I’m here to help you!” he insisted loudly. He tried as he could to worm his way free, but his arm was trapped in a rough hold and the other prisoners promptly surrounded him.

“Maybe we should kill him now!” one of them called out eagerly. “One of us can act like a guard that is just doing something with the lot of us…”

“I-I’d do that…!”

“Don’t lie to us!” the large man that grappled his arm growled lowly, even tugging it harshly and ignoring the yelp that followed.

But then…

Some of the prisoners started dropping to the ground quickly, it was hard to see what was happening in the big crowd. Before long, the large man with the dark hair and beard had smashed his way through each and every one of them, to finally reach the last and smack him in the face, knocking him down and freeing the knight from his grapple.

“…Thanks.” he thanked somewhat sheepishly, flicking his arm around to try and get some feeling back in it again.

“You didn’t really think all these people don’t deserve to be here… Did you?”

It was a little embarassing to admit after such a bad encounter, but the young man nodded his head. “I thought I knew all the criminals. They’re an underground syndicate I used to be with.” he explained promptly. “But… I sure did learn that I was right! You don’t deserve to be here at all!”

The man’s eyes got wide at the remark. He looked around at all the others laid out at his feet, wearing the same brown rags that he had…

Maybe he wasn’t so much like them after all.

“…I’ll tell you what.” he started. “I’ll come with you. We’ll expose that syndicate of yours… Then perhaps we can lead somewhat normal lives after all. But you know, you could get in big trouble for this.”

“When you’re with those guys, you’re used to trouble.” the knight grinned, something cheeky and sure about his tone. At least a bit of help was extremely welcome in all of this.

“Come on!” he insisted. “…B-but first, let’s put all these guys back.”

Distractions, distractions… And mental health too

Gosh, I really need to be a little more active here.

I am falling apart and even after each time I come on here and try to preach about being positive and having rad friends that will always let you vent to them, and whatever the hell else I ramble on about.

I just…

My life isn’t starting.

I’m not earning anything by myself, I’m trying my hardest to do anything at all and no one seems to be listening. No employer gives me the time of day, so I’m stuck without any money probably for a while…

I have been through some nasty suicidal phases of my life. I’m sure almost everyone has in this day and age. There is so much wrong with the world we live in, it’s easy to get lost in the darkness and see no other way out.

I always try to stay positive, to tell other people to do the same…

But all year I’ve been trying to get a job. When I reach out for help and offer what I can in return, it’s a miracle if anyone at all responds to it.

I guess this is some of that venting I was talking about before, haha. What I’m trying to get at, rambling aside, is that I have gotten into another very dark period of my life. I just don’t see things improving.

I feel patronised when I try to let my frustrations out, I always get the same “you have no experience” or something like that. It’s just even more frustrating because… What do you think I’m trying to get?? Do you think I’m throwing myself in the deep end trying to get a really good job right off the bat??

Everything I want to do with my life is such a hard field to get myself into. Everything I’m trying seems pretty hopeless right now.

And really, it feels like no one would be missing much if I was gone. I won’t do anything stupid, but god I want to. I’ve wanted to for years.