Tag Archives: memory

Thinking: Motivation

Motivation is interesting… Because it can be hard to really point out what it is and where it came from. For example, what’s your motivation to get out of bed? Are you going somewhere, have something to do?

What motivates you to finish that project? Is it a passion project that you care about, or is it something you signed yourself up for?

Motivation is kind of a drive, a reason to do something. I find myself losing it a lot of the time, it’s very easy to lose sight of what you were originally looking at to push yourself forwards.

I feel unsure that I can ever really get a job, it’s just not happening. Any help I get is extremely temporary right now.

But I guess I also find myself thinking, at times like these, where I find myself remembering the drive in the first place. I can’t just give up, that’s really not an option. And maybe if I keep at it, I can make it somewhere with my art and my writing. They’re the most important things to me, so they’re what I’d want to progress with.

But sometimes you need to start from somewhere lower. Somewhere you might not really want to, but everyone starts somewhere, I suppose. I’m going to have to go to the job centre when I come back from a holiday and I’m pretty frightened. They’re very cruel when it comes to cutting off money, they did it a lot to my brother, I’m sure they’ll do it to me.

My motivation, however, is what I figured out yesterday. When really being asked, “What really pushes you to want a job?”

Of course, the very obvious answer is money.

But there’s more personal layers to it then I ever really realised before.

I lost my sense of self worth two years ago. Two years ago I had a fight with a friend that I thought meant a lot to me, and then not long after on the morning of my birthday, my grandmother died.

At the time, it was devastating. I felt like I’d lost everything, and it made getting through university so much harder. That was one of the reasons that particular university seemed so good.

Then I’d have to catch glimpses of this person I grew to loathe after having cared for them so much for a few years. I would feel alone, even after trying to get help. Nothing got better.

I feel more sure of my real circle of friends now. But the damage still remains. I have terrible anxiety and it hurts to be alone so much, and really, that’s one of my drives to get this damn job.

To be able to feel like I matter again.

To be able to love myself again.

I had only just built myself up when I left college, I was so happy with myself. After a whole life of hating myself, I finally felt good. But then it all got torn down over one summer of my first university year.

My motivation stems from being pushed on by my friends…

And by wanting to feel worth anything again.

Advertisements

Thinking: Inspiration

You can get inspiration for creative endeavours from just about anywhere. Maybe you play a video game and think of an idea for a protagonist in a story that shares some of their traits.

Maybe you watch a movie and adore the setting, and would love to take a spin at it yourself.

The simplest thing can inspire you…

We all say that nothing is truly original. And it’s true, because sometimes you can end up using inspiration without even noticing. You’ll think of something that works, while forgetting it’s from something you’d seen before.

But it’s not a bad thing at all.

There really is no completely original ideas to have now, but there are still different ways to approach the same idea. There can still be so much heart and passion put into something that was driven by something else.

We can all even find that our roots of being heavily influenced by certain things can eventually push us to try and be more unique, to put real heart into our ideas instead of relying on what we already know.

I used to be so big on the Sonic franchise. When I was younger it was what got me into art, it was one of the games that got me into storytelling. Particularly Sonic Adventure 2. I was too young to really consider any of its problems, I suppose.

But that aside, I used to just draw them. Just write about these characters that weren’t mine, making my own universes and interpretations of them.

Then I moved onto fan characters.

And then eventually…

I started making my own characters. My own stories and universes.

It has been a long road, over ten years at this point, but I think it’s important to remember what shaped me into who I am today. My tastes back then still kind of stay with me, and I feel confident in my ability to interpret ideas into my own because of where I started.

I get a little embarrassed about it sometimes, but I still have those fond memories. And most importantly, I still have that same inspiration I had back then.

I can observe an idea, and if I really like it, I can interpret it in a way that’s unique to me. Of course there will be other people that might do things similarly, but in the end, I know that I can really put my heart into my own creative projects.

I can chase a dream I never realised I had for years, to become a writer.

I just enjoy the humble beginnings I had, I suppose. No one really bothered to be harsh on my older art, and I never shared my older stories anywhere. I never had a knock in my confidence so I was always able to push on.

That being said, if anyone has, I really hope they don’t give up! If you’ve been told something kinda mean, you should either try ignore it and keep trying, or (oddly enough) use it as fuel to keep going. Some people get pretty far using spite like that, oddly enough.

Yeah. Random thoughts as usual.

A fun day out

It was nice to finally get out of the house for once.

There is a festival in my hometown every summer, it’s really nice, it invites lots of different cultures to present an act of some sort. Dance, theatre, this year there was even a set up for VR!

It responded to swinging on a swing, it was very cool honestly.

Really though, I usually look forward to it every year, but I wasn’t that excited this year. I always go with my mum, and her work schedule has been kind of crazy and it prevents her from staying out and doing too much, a bit of a shame.

But anyway, I never enjoyed it as much as usual, but it was still a fun day. Always some quirky acts around for it.

My personal favourite because of how… Random and pretty funny it was, was this bin that ‘moved around by itself’ and even squirted water at people in its way. It was remote controlled but it just looked so funny.

Then the other great ones were the VR one I mentioned before, an aero acrobatics duo and the most impressive was certainly a trapeze act. A very thin rope, with some very talented acrobats performing various tricks on them, and narrating a little story to go with it.

I really enjoy this sort of creative theatre, I like the thought that everyone can watch and go away with different interpretations of what story was being told to them.

Well, anyway, that’s been my day. Hoping I can write some more cool stuff soon!

The power of Nostalgia

I’ve been having a very nostalgic day.

A nostalgic day that saw me sitting and watching through all 300 of the tower challenges in Mortal Kombat 9. Yeah…

Pretty lame in some people’s eyes, but it brings me a lot of great memories.

You see, one of my best friends has gotten back into fighting games, particularly Marvel Vs Capcom 3, we played it so much together a few years ago. He’s gotten back into it and brought me a lot of great memories.

But it also got me thinking about the other games we were playing around the same time. One of those was indeed Mortal Kombat 9. We beat the story mode together (much frustration with the final boss. He took about half an hour for us to beat.), we beat a bunch of arcade modes together to see the cheesy endings.

And what most people spend a lot of their time on that game on… We beat the 300 challenge tower together.

The missions all vary on the character and objective. We’d pass the controller to whoever liked the character better, and on the missions where you got to choose, it was just sort of a back and forwards until someone finally did it.

It’s pretty weird to be so nostalgic for a game that isn’t even that old. It isn’t even that old and it barely holds up to the same graphical quality as Mortal Kombat X… But it still holds a special place in my heart.

All those great memories and so many more.

I just got very invested in that nostalgia today and well… That led me to a five hour video (that I’m still watching as I write this) of the challenge tower! I could have forgotten how frustrating the very last challenge was if I didn’t watch it take some pretty skilled players about 8 hours to beat it.

Damn Shao Kahn, man. He’s never easy but he’s a bit ridiculous in that game, haha.

Essentially the point is, nostalgia can make you do some pretty wacky things! It’s great to remember such good times when so many darker ones are going on right now. Remembering jokes, the game itself, just a lot of little things that completed the experience for us both.

I wonder if I’ll get so into this nostalgia that I’ll watch the story mode again, too…

But I digress.

As long as ‘nostalgia glasses’ don’t prevent you seeing any flaws in anything, I honestly feel like having such an old fondness of something can be the best thing to happen to you. So maybe a few years in the future you’ll stop and remember it, and maybe even go on a happy trip down memory lane as I have today.

A bit of a mellow entry today, but I just wanted to talk about how… Peaceful this nice little nostalgia trip has made me.

Are you very nostalgic for something that’s not really so ‘old’?

Thoughts: Inspiration?

What’s your best source of inspiration?

What gets your creative juices flowing the most?

Personally, I feel like thinking of characters gets me going the most. I love generating different characters and situations in my head, and having the chance to develop them, a little or a lot.

It’s why I have a few too stories for my own good, and I sure wish I tried to understand my love for writing a bit earlier than I really did. Now I really know it’s what I’d love to do with my life.

I just love that you can make just about anyone you want.

The brave and fearless hero? Do it!

The kind and helpful helper? Go for it!

The vicious and heartless villain? No reason not to.

There are so many different personalities and kinds of people to play around with. So much to experiment with and so many different interactions to try out. You can create amazing and meaningful bonds and friendships, or bitter and memorable rivalries and enemies.

All of that, there’s just so much to experience.

A lot of friends to make through having your own stories and characters.

I met some of my best friends through my characters, and we’ve all grown with each other and our characters. It means so much to look to a great friend and see a character I’ve known for years still with them.

It’s even fun to mix such characters together! It can be fun to mash a pair that don’t really belong together in the same situation, sometimes they get on like a house on fire…

Other times it takes them a little time, which is always pretty fun.

Some might not even get along at all.

I’ve sort of gone around in a circle, but honestly characters and their relationships are what make writing so much fun for me. Development is another very important thing I enjoy, whether it be individual or a relationship on the whole.

Like, the ‘shy and quiet person that turns strong’ has been done a lot of times, hell I’ve done it myself, but to approach it differently is what makes it fresh and relatable. They can grow on their own or bounce of the faith of the others around them to toughen them up.

There can be a negative development, too… Someone goes from pretty confident to very nervous and closed in. It’s always fun to see just where a character can end up, depending on what they’ve been through.

Of course, everyone has probably made something they’re not so proud of… An overpowered character, a boring story (I am a victim of this one! A huge revamp saved my life!) …

But growing up and seeing the flaws just helps someone write better. This is a bit of a ramble, I don’t feel like doing a writing prompt tonight, but I really wanted to sort of have a babble about my thoughts on this.

On what makes me inspired in writing so much in the first place.

Discussion: What’s your favourite game?

It’s so hard to pick a favourite video game. There’s so many, so many genres, it’s endless!

But I always find myself personally coming back to the Pokemon franchise. I absolutely love RPGs, and well, this is a franchise that’s been near and dear to my heart ever since I could ever really hold a gameboy in my youth.

And my favourite game in the series probably has to be the most recent addition in the Alola region, Pokemon Sun and Moon. I myself played Sun, but I suppose it counts for both. I’ll just mention Sun if I call them by name, for that reason.

The region was so fresh, it was so new to not have a Gym Leader to face, instead facing various different trials. They all made you do something a bit different, all leading up to a climactic battle with a Totem Pokemon. I guess they were our new ‘gym leaders’, despite their lack of a real trainer.

The characters were so fresh and memorable. I cared so much about Lillie as she grew closer to us in the game. She grew with us, we watched her go from being timid and unsure to gaining confidence in herself and making so many great friends on her own journey.

She takes the responsibility to help her neglectful and generally not so great mother, after she is left injured by the Ultra Beasts. She was probably the best character development we’ve seen in a Pokemon Game.

Professor Kukui is my favourite character in the whole franchise, too! I just found him super lovable, loved his energy and encouragement throughout the game. He was very quirky in a few ways, I just enjoyed him in every scene.

All the trial captains had their own great little quirks, love all their designs.

But the human characters aside…

You play Pokemon for the creatures themselves, right?

While not my favourite batch of the monsters, I feel like the Alola region gave us some great Pokemon overall. Mimikyu is one of my favourite Pokemon of all time now! I also love Kommo-o, I only wish it couldn’t get flicked and destroyed by a fairy type. Bewear is another fantastic addition. Fluffy is a fantastic ability and well, in the anime adaption, it’s hilarious.

Not to make this a review of the game, but those are just my reasons for enjoying it so much, for it being my favourite game so far. Video games are something a lot of us play, a lot of us hold them very dearly to our hearts.

We all like different genres, different series and different companies.

But in the end, I feel like the important thing is just enjoying what you enjoy, and sharing that enjoyment with whoever you can.

So… What’s your favourite game?

Fun Con Memories

To take a little break from my writing prompts, I wanted to use the blog, to well, blog! I just want to recall a great memory I had with one of my friends and my mum while we were at a convention together.

We were browsing all the stalls, because they were full of my absolute weaknesses and I couldn’t walk out of there without at least buying something.

My friend Sophie spotted a cute little Iron Man (she adores Iron Man) Funko. She pointed it out and we showed it to my mum, who at first said something about it being a soft toy.

In the loudness of the con we had to stand there and argue with her for a solid minute that it wasn’t a soft toy, it was a plastic vinyl toy and she was just too used to seeing so many plushies. Probably because I was there, oops.

Her realising why we were laughing so much certainly made the whole process worth it, it was a very fun memory.

I’m pretty sure in the very same con, I was dragged onstage of a cosplay contest because of my pikachu onsie… Dragged into the kid’s contest, I might add. I was about 18 at the time. It was extremely embarrassing.

But I got so salty when everyone got their prizes, I could have got a rad Boba Fett figurine but instead I got given a colouring book. That lady with a minor role in Star Wars…

I wasn’t her biggest fan after all that, but it is very funny to look back on. Cons are generally about making fun memories I suppose.

One day it would be really cool to put together an actual cool cosplay, one that I could actually pull off properly. Maybe one day!